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When he fell over and scraped his arm when he was with me, I was advised by my attorney to go to all the trouble of going to the doctor, having the scrape bandaged and so on, just to legally cover myself in case she would claim that it had in fact been intentionally caused. Some men commit suicide because they can’t handle the anguish.
While on the lookout for anything that could be used against me, all the while constantly being told I was a bad person, a bad father, and all my involvement with my son was systematically stripped away. Others resort to violence and anger against the ex-wife.
During my lengthy divorce, my ex-wife claimed I was abusive, that she was ‘afraid for her safety,’ and tried to get ‘supervised visitation.’ None of it worked, because it wasn’t true, and because, as an educated professional I had enough money to spend six figures on an attorney. ) and being instructed to call me by my first name and not ‘dad.’ I grew tired of making phone calls that weren’t answered, or of being put on hold and the child not coming to the phone, and of cancelled visits.
It was heartbreaking seeing the child slip away from me, little by little. There is the assumption that the man will just sit there and take the abuse because he does not want to lose the child.
Please listen to Terry Brennan, of Leading Women for Shared Parenting, explain why default every-other-weekend visitation leads to absentee fathers.
These stories resonate with me, as they have challenged my earlier, blind admonishments that every parent has a moral obligation to fight for their children, no matter what.But no, she is still the same bitter and vengeful baggage that she always was.Rather than attempting to discuss things and put things on the right track, she is willing to communicate in writing only. Frankly, I feel that’s very naive and is almost always a view propagated by women. During those days, I used to recall these lines from shakespeare’s King John: Logically, I have to balance the damage to myself, my life and mental health, the possibility of the conflict damaging the child, against the damage done by my absence. She doesn’t seem to think that I’m needed and believes that my seeing the child is a bad thing. She lives with the kid and does the real parenting.I refuse to be reduced to the level of a Disneyland dad by some judge, attorney, social worker or indeed his mother. One day, I will be able to get in touch without going through her once the child is old enough. I refuse to beg for access, or beg for photographs, or ask permission when I can please take him on vacation.